Chapter 1: Campsite Catastrophe

For thousands of years, Ancardia was a peaceful world, untouched by the forces of ChAoS.

Then some asshole opened a gateway and now these fucking Chaosy monsters are being cunts and whatnot.

Fortunately, a heroine, a healer named Jerrica, has made her way to the Drakalor Chain to defeat the forces of ChAoS.

We now join our heroine...

Jerrica: Finally, I'm here. Time to get straight to business. No stalling, no deto- oh, look, an unassuming cave entry. No way this could be a complete waste of time...

*17 hours later*

Jerrica: Well, THAT was a complete fucking waste of time. Oh, well, no more messing around, no more sidetrackings, I'm going STRAIGHT to Teri-. Oh, look, a well-hidden campsite! *runs into campsite*

You feel uneasy.

Jerrica: *quickly turns around* Who's there!?

*silence*

Jerrica: Must've been my imagination... *walks under a tree*

You pass beneath a beautiful tree.

Jerrica: I'm just going to ignore that.

Goblin: 'Ello! *punches Jerrica in the face*

Jerrica: Hey! Stop that! *removes goblin's heart and left kidney with a stethoscope*

Goblin: That's just stupid. *dies*

Jerrica: *mockingly* That's just stupid. Oh no, now I'm dead. I guess I'm the stupid one now. I'm a dead, stupid goblin. Myeh! *starts kicking the corpse, still holding the bloody organs in her hands*

Other goblins: *watch in horror, anger, hatred. One vomits*

Jerrica: *notices goblins staring, stops kicking goblin corpse* uuuhhh... *looks at corpse, then living goblins*

Goblins: L:(

Jerrica: *kicks corpse one last time, runs away*

Goblins: D:L *chase, throw rocks*

Jerrica: Leave me alone! *throws goblin organs at goblins*

Goblins: L:q

Jerrica: *hides around corner, in a small room* I'm safe!

Ogre: Grrrrrrr!

Jerrica: Fuuuuuuu- *scalpels ogre in the face*

Ogre: *dies*

Jerrica: Well, that was easy.

Goblins: D:< *trickle into doorway, one at a time*

Jerrica: *scalpels goblins to death, one at a time*

Goblins: *all die*

Jerrica: *covered in goblin blood* Huh...

*several moments later, back in the main room*

Jerrica: *no longer covered in blood, now wielding a shield* Let's see what secrets these bitches are hiding in here. *walks into next room, sees several goblin berserkers, walks backwards out of room, hides around corner next to a door* Dammit, more goblins!

Voice on other side of door: Hello? Is somebody out there!?

Jerrica: *holds stethoscope to door* Hello! Are you a shitty goblin?

Voice: what? No, I'm a Paladin named Dayn. I was on my way to figure out how to stop all the chaosy shit going on, but was ambushed and captured, by the goblins, and locked in this room.

Jerrica: I see... have you tried NOT being a pussy and just kicking the do-

Dayn: NOO! I overheard one of the goblins say the door is trapped, and I don't want to find out what kind of trap it is.

Jerrica: I see I see.

Dayn: *closer to door* You can help though. I'm sure one of the goblin leaders has the key. Find it, and get me out of here.

Jerrica: Sure. I'd be more than hap- *hears a click* What was th-

Dayn: OH, SHIT!

Jerrica: *hears the sound several of arrows being fired into human flesh, cringes and takes the stethoscope off the door* Oh, Istaria... *puts stethoscope back on the door* Dayn, are you okay? *hears head hit door* Oh, shit! *jumps away*

Fireball: *WHOOOOOOOSH*

Jerrica: *watches in horror as door falls on Dayn* I will take that as a "no".


© 2018 Travis Prue