Chapter 11: I Hear Thrundarr!
Dwarven Child: Hey, mister! You a human, aren't you?
Dayn: Hm? *goes over* Hey there, buddy. Yes, I a-
*Child mutates into a WMoPC*
Dayn: *sigh*
*WMoPC is swarmed by Dwarven Guardians*
Dayn: Geez this place is screwed up... I'M probably getting corrupted.
Dwarven Guardian: Aye, unfortunately... all of us here are. Thankfully the corruption is minor... it takes years before one mutates into a mass of Chaos.
Dayn: Well, that's certainly comforting. *under breath* Yeah, right...
DG: Axes high! *bows and moves off to join the slaughter of the WMoPC*
Dayn: Well, Travis is off checking out Waldenbooks... brooks... whatever's... shop. I guess I should try to find Thrundarr. Wonder how Travis is doing, though...
*in Waldenbrooks' shop*
Travis: O_O BACK YOU VILE... ITEM... THING! *is whacking a large ration as it attacks him*
Waldenbrooks: Blasted cursed large rations. Shall I get some help?
Travis: NO DUH! HELP ME AGAINST THE FREAKING MIMIC! *bleeding profusely*
Waldenbrooks: OH! That's what it is! Shall I summon the guardians?
Travis: YES, GODDAMMIT! YES!!
*back with Dayn*
Dayn: Hey, looks like... a church. Wonder who's inside... and if I can ask them where this Lightnang... er, Thrundarr is. *enters church*
Female priest: Welcome! Welcome to the Dwarftown Church, yo!
Dayn: Hello. Who are you?
Female priest: I am Jane, the priestess and holy keeper of the altar of Onn in this fair dwarven city, yo.
Dayn: Who's Onn?
Jane: ... you have much to learn, my friend.
*one hour later*
Dayn: @.@ I am Lawful, hence I must worship the holy Onn...!
Jane: Now you've got it, yo!
Travis: *walking into church* What is going on in here?
Jane: Now return whenst ye have shown more respect to Onn, yo!
Dayn: Oh, hello Travis. I was just learning wonderfully about the joys of religion and what it means to be a lawful follower of Onn. Excuse me, I must find a tool to sacrifice. *walks out*
Travis: ... *looks at Jane* What the hell did you do to him?
Jane: Look, being a priestess means at least TRYING to convert people. It's not my fault he had such low willpower, yo. Besides, the guy didn't even know Onn existed... yo.
Travis: Because he's an idiot and doesn't know anything...
Jane: Why am I even talking to you?! You're a chaotic worshipper, yo! Take another step and Onn shall smite you!
Travis: Unfortunately, that's happened to me before... so I don't really fear it, especially given the fact that I am cursedoom incarnate and the rings I'm wearing prevent me from ever dying.
Jane: *sigh* Onn, if you please.
*Travis is hit by a fireball from the heavens and explodes violently*
Jane: I warned him... may his soul rest in- What the hell?
Travis: *slightly burnt* Told ya.
Jane: *sigh* Onn, again?
*Travis explodes, then implodes back in Waldenbrooks' shop*
Travis: I do belive my brain, arms, legs, internal organs, and all other parts of me hurt like I've just been shoved in an ultraforge. I think I'm crazy now... and how can I be chaotic worshipper!? I'm an athiest!
*Travis explodes again, then implodes again*
Travis: Still an athiest.
*Travis explodes again, then implodes again*
Travis: ... somewhat of one.
*Travis explodes again, then implodes again*
Travis: A LITTLE of one.
*Travis explodes again, then implodes again*
Travis: Okay, okay, I believe! Stop exploding me already!
Ssraxx: WORKS EVERY TIME!
Travis: Yeah... AND YOU'RE MEAN!
*Travis explodes again, then implodes again*
Travis: Okay, slightly ornery.
*Travis explodes again, then implodes again*
Travis: OKAY-
*this goes on for a while, back to Dayn*
Dayn: Well, I've paid my respects to Onn for the day. I feel spiritually enlightened! So anyway, off to see Lightgar. Er, Thrundarr.
*Travis walks up to Dayn, rather burnt*
Dayn: What in Onn's name happened to you?!
Travis: More like in Syraccarexx's name. He exploded me until I was no longer an athiest... and a whole lot of other stuff. Good news is, I can now sleep with underaged girls without being punished.
Dayn: I'll ignore the fact that you're now a chaotic worshipper due to the fact you're my trusted travelling companion, and attacking you while nonhostile would be a chaotic act in and of itself. Also the pedophilia.
Travis: Yeah, you better. *shakes robe clean of soot*
Dayn: Well, anyway, let's go off and see Thrundarr. Excuse me!
Dwarf: Yes?
Dayn: Where's Thrundarr?
Dwarf: Thataway. Hi, ho, hi, ho, off to mining we goooo! *runs off*
Travis: These dwarves scare me...
Dayn: Dwarves are... odd. Yes. Well, anyway.
*One Thrundarr-hut-go-to... we gotta stop stringing together words... later*
Elite Dwarven Guardian: Enter and speak with our leader. And be sure to speak up... he's slightly deaf. Also be warned, he's kinda senile.
Travis: We'll remember that.
Thrundarr: Ah, hello, noble adventurers! It's a pleasure to see heroes. Do you wish to talk about something?
Dayn: Yes. It's a pleasure to meet you, elder. We come seeking a quest.
Thrundarr: SPEAK UP BOY! *whaps Dayn with a cane*
Dayn: ... er, WE WOULD LIKE A QUEST!
Thrundarr: That's better. *hands them a dress* Here you go, had one spare...
Dayn: ... I don't know what's worse. The fact that a male, elderly dwarf had a frilly, purple dwarven dress, or that he misheard us like that, OR that he handed it over so casually.
Thrundarr: WHAT?
Dayn: ER, THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID! I SAID WE WANT A QUEST!
Thrundarr: Ah, yes, a quest! To prove yer valor, I would like ye to slay a purple dog.
Dayn: ... purple dog? WHAT?!
Thrundarr: PURPLE! DOG!
Travis: You've gotta be kidding. There's no such thing.
Thrundarr: SPEAK UP, DAMN YE!
Travis: THERE! IS! NO! SUCH! THING!
Thrundarr: What the hell are ye talking about?! Don't ye know to respect your elders?! I told ye to slay a purple dog, and mithril damn it, YOU WILL SLAY A PURPLE DOG! *whaps Travis*
*one leavage later*
Dayn: *is rather bruised with cane marks* That... could have gone better.
Travis: *is also rather bruised with cane marks, about 2x the number Dayn has* ... yeah, kinda. That guy wasn't just senile... HE WAS CRAZY!
Thrundarr: *in his hut* I HEARD THAT, YOU LITTLE WHELP!
Travis: GOOD! Wait a sec... I'm chaotic... maybe I could just... you know...
Dayn: Er... Travis?
Travis: What?
Dayn: ...
*Travis realizes the Elite Dwarven Guardians have their axes out and are glaring at the two adventurers with a look that could melt Eternium*
Travis: I was gonna say bribe him...
Dayn: OH!
Elite Dwarven Guardians: Oh. *put their axes down* Sorry about that...
Dayn: I don't think he'd hear you though... he'd think you were talking about the latest jive or something. Wait, trying to kill Thrundarr is high treason, but trying to bribe him is perfectly acceptible?
Elite Dwarven Guardians: ... yup.
Travis: It's okay, happens all the time. *muttering to self* I'll kill you two first...
Elite Dwarven Guardian: What was that?
Travis: Err... If i eat one more iron ration, I will burst...
Elite Dwarven Guardian: OOOOH! Okay, I thought you said you were gonna try and kill us.
Travis: Me, kill you? That's preposterous! I only wanted to flay your cracked, dwarven skin off with a rusty potato peeler and feed you to sharks that haven't eaten in four months.
Dayn: *elbows Travis hard in the gut* *whispers harshly* QUIET DAMN YOU, DO YOU WANT TO BRING THE WHOLE TOWN DOWN ON US?!!
Travis: I have black magic, a short fuse, and a hair trig-
Dayn: NONE OF THAT WILL HELP YOU AGAINST DWARVEN GUARDIANS WHO ARE ALMOST INNUMERABLE AND RESPAWN DUE TO SOME HORRIBLY CONTRIVED MAGIC THAT NO MORTAL CAN EVER UNDERSTAND!
Travis: Yes, but you keep forgetting...
Dayn: Forgetting what?
Travis: I don't know, I just forgot it.
Dayn: Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay...
Penguin: *putts by* Butt butt butt butt butt butt.
Dayn: .... what the...
Travis: Well, that was certainly odd.
Elite Dwarven Guardian: O_o
Dylan the Archer: COME BACK YOU STUPID PENGUIN!!! WITHOUT YOU WE DON'T GET THE QUEST FINISHED!!! *runs by, tearing after the penguin*
Sliat the Monk: HEY, WAIT UP DAMN YOU! *runs after Dylan*
Lee the Fool: IT'S NINE AND TEN O'CLOCK, EAT ME, I'M A DANISH! *runs after Sliat*
Knux the Barbarian: UNGALAMANGAAAAAAAAAAA! *runs after Lee*
Dayn: ... what the crap just happened?
Travis: I think that was some kind of other heroic party made up of a ridicoulous rag-tag group, much like we two are.
Dwarven Guardian: My. The people we get down here.
Dayn: I'll say.
Now that they have met Thrundarr, how will our heroes slay the nonexistant purple dog and fulfill the quest? Tune in next time to find out, in Chapter XII: Mixing Colors 101!
© 2006 Travis Prue and Daniel Muir