Chapter 12: Mixing Colors 101
*We join Dayn, separated from Travis and facing the most powerful enemy he has ever faced...*
Dayn: WHAT THE HELL!?!
Nyad: Hello, Dayn. *looks exactly like Dayn does*
Dayn: WHO ARE YOU?!!
Nyad: That doesn't matter. Soon I'll be you, and you will be NOTHING! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Dayn: Urgh... focus... blurring... for some... unfathomable reason... can't.... concentrate.... self-narration... becoming.... acute!
Nyad: AHAHAHA! IT'S A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU, OR ME AS THE CASE MAY BE!
Dayn: ... n... no...!
Nyad: SOON YOU SHALL BE THE REFLECTION, AND I SHALL BE REALITY!
*SPLAKORCHHHHHHHH*
Dayn: Next time check what starsign your targets were born under, doppelganger lord. *yanks sword out of the Doppelganger Lord's gut in a spurt of blood* Oh wait, there won't BE a next time.
Doppelganger Lord: NOOOOOoooooo.... *collapses and dies*
Dayn: Hah. The Raven starsign owns all =D
Travis: *stumbles in through a secret door which explodes in his face* *is now highly scorched* ... ow.
Dayn: Whoa. You don't look so good.
Travis: NO DUH!! *wipes soot off self* Where the hell did you go?!
Dayn: Oh, got lost, ended up destroying a doppelganger lord.
Travis: Ha, you think THAT'S bad- wait, how did you resist the strange confusion from seeing a mirror image of yourself?
Dayn: You mean the confusion that has no logical base given the fact that it's impossible to be confused about who you really are in the heat of combat because your own point of view is from your own body, and simply seeing a mirror image of yourself shouldn't actually confuse you?
Travis: Yeah.
Dayn: I was born in the month of the Raven =D
Travis: Oh. Well, anyway. I had to face down a horde of fire demons who threw broken glass that was somehow on fire with a torch attached to each individual fragment by rope which was on fire, and the torches were filled with greek fire and slathered in hot sauce, which, in itself, was on fire.
Dayn: Damn, that's rough.
Travis: NO FREAKING DUH IT IS!! If it weren't for these goddamn rings of doom-
Dayn: Cursed, doomed dooming rings of doom doomed dooming cursedoo-
Travis: WHATEVER! If it weren't for these goddamn rings, I wouldn't be alive!
Dayn: Again, I don't see how you can be upset over being immortal in exchange for a little bad luck...
Travis: Why you inconsiderate little CRAP FOR CRAP!!! YOU THINK THIS IS JUST "A LITTLE BAD LUCK"?! LET ME TELL YOU WHAT THIS KIND OF "BAD LUCK" IS!! BAD LUCK IS HAVING YOUR HOUSE BURN DOWN! BEING CURSEDOOMED MEANS STUMBLING INTO SEVEN DIFFERENT TRAPS IN A SINGLE 2X7 ROOM, HITTING 26 SEPARATE DOOR TRAPS, FALLING DOWN FIVE BOTTOMLESS PITS, LOSING HALF MY INVENTORY TO A WALL MONSTER, BEING FORCED TO SLAUGHTER A BUNCH OF FIRE DEMONS WHILE ON FIRE AND IN HELLISH AGONY, THEN BEING FORCED TO FIGHT UNARMED WITH GAUNTLETS OF PEACE AGAINST TWO GREATER STEEL GOLEMHORRORS, AND ALL IN THE SAME FIVE MINUTES!!!
Dayn: Wait, FIVE bottomless pits?
Travis: Don't question it, I have no idea either.
Dayn: Just a minute, please. I think I'm deaf again. *drinks five blessed potions of inner ear repair* Ah, there we go. Also ow.
Travis: Well, anyway. How the hell are we gonna do that quest Thrundarr gave us?! There's no such thing as a freaking purple dog!
Dayn: I KNOW, that's what we came down here for *whap*
Travis: X_X
Dayn: Okay, I have an idea. If we can just find a dog - or a wolf really, I don't think Thrundarr will mind so long as it's a canine - and some purpala mancoxes from herb bushes, we can mix purple dye, dye the canine purple, then return and slay it triumphantly in front of Thrundarr as he lays with his mouth agape that we actually managed to accomplish the impossible quest!
Travis: Great! Only one question though...
Dayn: What?
Travis: Purpala Mancoxes don't exist, do they.
Dayn: .... no.
Travis: *sigh* Leave the dye-manufacturing to someone who knows Herbology and chemistry and stop making up names of herbs. Thankfully, you ARE right, there is a herb that can be distilled into a purple dye.
Dayn: What's it's name, then?
Travis: Purpalea Mancox.
Dayn: ...
*later*
Travis: Dammit. Not even a jackal and we've been searching for an hour!
Dayn: Dayn's law of dungeons. The monster you need will never be there at the right time.
Travis: Two can play at that game. Ahem. Travis' law of dungeons - any pet that can teleport will end up teleporting away, forcing you to search for it for five hours, before it teleports on top of you, crushing you and breaking at least one rib.
Dayn: ... how is that relevant? At ALL!?
Travis: Just watch...
*Blink Dog corpse appers above Travis, who steps out of the way as it smashes to the ground*
Dayn: ... but... it's not even alive.
Travis: I know. Don't you get it? These rings defy physics in order to cause me pain.
Dayn: ... whatever. I GOT DIBS ON TELEPORT CONTROL! *starts to devour blink dog corpse*
Travis: HEY, I'M THE ONE WITH THE TELEPORT SPELL!! Wait, teleport control?
Dayn: Yesh. Mfr.. mfrmm fammarm-
Travis: *slap* Don't speak with your mouth full of Blink Dog innards!
Dayn: *gulp* Sorry. Anyway. Eating a blink dog corpse gives you the ability to control where you teleport, if you can teleport.
Travis: AWWW! I should've... wait, can't you just give me a leg or something?
Dayn: Nope, sorry, you have to consume the whole thing.
Travis: DAMMIT!
*later*
Dayn: Hey, I think I see- *steps into a teleportation trap*
Travis: What the...?
*Dayn dissapears*
Travis: Dayn?! Where'd you go?!
Dayn: *echoing voice* WHOA! Cool! I'm in some sort of quasi-dimensional plane where I can choose where I want to go!
Travis: What does it look like?
Dayn: Imagine a room filled with swirly technicolor vomit!
Travis: Sounds... fun...
Dayn: Hmmm... wonder where I should go. Mwehehehe.
Travis: Dayn, if you try to teleport into the ladies locker room-
Dayn: No, I was thinking more about teleporting above you and crashing down on top of you.
Travis: Oh. Damn you then.
*POOF* *CRASH*
Dayn: Ow.. X_x
Travis: If you hadn't told me, I wouldn't have moved...
Dayn: Damn you then.
*later*
Big Dog: Bark bark!
Dayn: ALRIGHT! A DOG! Lay the purple dye on me, Travis!
Travis: YOU IDIOT, I HAVEN'T MIXED IT YET!!
Dayn: Oh. Well anyway-
*Big dog runs away*
Dayn: ... we just lost him.
Travis: DAMMIT! GO AFTER HIM THEN! *kicks Dayn*
Dayn: OKAY, OKAY! *runs after the dog*
Travis: Now to mix that purple dye... Now do I cook it at 272 degrees Farenheit or Celcius?
*one hour of fruitless chasing later*
Dayn: *pant* *pant* Fast... little... bugger...
Travis: Hey, I'm not skimping on the job here either! *is idly stirring a potion bottle filled with a dyelike substance*
Dayn: YOU TRY CHASING AFTER HIM FOR AN HOUR AND I'LL TRY MXING THE DYE! THEN WE'LL SEE WHO'S DOING MORE WORK!
Travis: No, I hate dogs...
Dayn: Er, I wasn't serious... um...?
*Dog sits next to Travis wagging his tail*
Travis: I love these rings...
Dayn: Wait, you mean you said that just so the rings would bring the dog to you?
Travis: Eyyyup. Dye's almost ready.
Big Dog: bark bark! *licks Travis*
Travis: Dog, I'm chaotic, I couldn't care less about you...
Big Dog: Woof?
Travis: *sigh*
Dayn: I have to admit that you are pretty smart for thinking of that, but why did you have me chase after it?
Travis: I just like being mean.
Dayn: Oh... anyway, hit the guy with the dye.
Travis: Right. *pours the dye over the dog, turning it purple*
*one travelage later*
Dayn: Now, I swear this wasn't here before...
*Dog, Dayn, and Travis are all standing at the side of a large river that splits the dungeon leading up to Dwarftown*
Travis: Yeah, the dungeons tend to change... randomly.
Purple Dog: Grr...
Travis: I agree.
Dayn: Wait wait wait, you can understand that guy?
Travis: No, I just like pretending I can.
Purple Dog: woof woof! *licks Travis' face*
Travis: Hey, quit it, you're getting purple dye on my robes, and what's worse, I'm starting to...*shiver* like *shudder*... you...
Dayn: Um?
Travis: Yeah, I really am a dog hater, and I hate to say it but this dog is growing on me... *tries to refrain from petting dog, fails miserably*
Dayn: Aww, Travis isn't really chaotic after all! ^.^
Travis: Oh yes I am. *Blows up Dayn with Magic missile*
Dayn: X_X
Purple Dog: Barkie?
Dayn: Okay... *cough* I'll never doubt you again. Now for this river... you wouldn't happen to know frost bolt, would you?
Travis: Nope. I don't suppose you happened to read that bridge building manual before you sold it, either...
Dayn: Nope.
Travis: Can't we just swim?
Dayn: AHAHAHAHAHAHA! You're kidding me, right?! I'm a fighter wearing chain mail and carrying a crapload of food and other equipment that I plan to sell at Waldenbrooks! I'll sink like a stone!
Travis: Note to self: Dayn sinks when wearing typical fighter equipment... keep that in mind for eventual murder plot.
Dayn: What?
Travis: Nothing. Can't we just toss all that stuff to the other side?
Dayn: No, river's too wide... unless you're a professional pitcher half the stuff will never even make it.
Purple Dog: *growls at Dayn*
Dayn: Plus, I don't think this guy wants to swim much...
Travis: Why's that?
Dayn: Maybe he likes his new purple color so much he's afraid it'll wash off..
Travis: ...
Dayn: I know, it's all I've got.
Purple Dog: GRRR! *bites Dayn*
Dayn: YIIIIIII! X_X
Travis: I love this dog! She's such a good girl!
Dayn: She?!
Travis: Yeah... amazing what a steththoscope will tell you about gender.
Dayn: Why didn't she get mad at you for calling her a guy?
Travis: Because she likes me more than you.
Purple Dog: ^.^
Travis: Anyway... *picks up dog* Luckily I can swim. *holds dog above his head and swims across*
Dayn: WHAT ABOUT ME?! And how did you swim without using your hands!?
Travis: Bouyancy spell! I love magic!
Dayn: ... WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU CAST IT ON ME THEN?!!
Travis: Your items would rust, don't you know that in this crazy place rusting is almost instantaneous when iron comes into contact with water?! Plus, I don't like you. *hauls self out of river*
Dayn: That's mean...
Travis: AGAIN, I AM CHAOTIC! Wait, I have an idea... *casts magic missile at such an angle that it bounces around and hits Dayn in the back, blasting him across the river*
Dayn: *rather on fire* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHH!!
*Travis casts a water spell on Dayn and puts him out*
Dayn: ... X_X WARN ME NEXT TIME!
Travis: But that takes the fun out of it...
*back in Dwarftown*
Dwarven Guardians: GET IT! *killing yet ANOTHER Writhing Mass of Primal Chaos*
Elite Dwarven Guardian: Noble elder Thrundarr, should not we do something about the random cases of dwarves turning into writhing masses of Chaos before our town is wiped out?
Thrundarr: You idiots... just read a few scrolls of peace!
Elite Dwarven Guardian: I think the mimics chewed them all up... Waldenbrooks is having quite an infestation.
Dayn: Here's a purple dog. We didn't kill it because it's so rare!
Thundar: ... but... I... you... we... I made... argh.... *falls over*
Travis: *hopefully* Did it kill him?
Elite Dwarven Guardian: ELDER!! *runs over*
Dwarven Guardian: Oh, wonderful. Thank you very much for HARMING OUR ELDER! Ye are lucky I do not flay ye skin off where ye stand...
Travis: Just try it, you-
Dayn: TRAVIS!!
Purple dog: Barky?
Travis: I know... *whispers in dog's ear* I hate dwarves too...
Dayn: ... I have got to find a less crazy party and place to adventure in.
Will Dayn avoid going crazy? What will happen to Thrundarr? What will happen to the quest? What will happen to the purple dog? Will we ever stop asking so many freaking questions at the end of every chapter!? Find out next time in Chapter XIII: Only you can start animated forest fires!
© 2006 Travis Prue and Daniel Muir