Chapter 25: High, Middle, and Low Mountain Village.

Previously...

Jackals: I'm blue da ba dee da ba die da ba dee da ba die da ba dee da ba die

*Oooookay. We go to our heroes, fresh out of the pyramid of Rehetep!*

Dayn: So where is this place of unremarkableness you are taking me to?

Travis: Oh, just north-west of Terinyo below a dungeon of doom where every monster is 10x stronger than normal, approximately.

Dayn: In the cave with the excessively powerful creatures and now-slaughtered ants?

Travis: I just said that...

Dayn: Or did you?

Travis: >_> keep trying that and I will MURDER you like you did to the ANT IN THE CORNER!

Dayn: Or will you?

Travis: I'm warning you...

Dayn: Or will y... SPRING OF DROWNED SUV!

Travis: ... what the he-

Dayn: I LIKE TATER TOTS!

Travis: ...

Dayn: TREEMILK ^.^

Travis: *sob* LET'S JUST GO!

*many remarkably unremarkable hours of unremarkable remarkableness later*

Dayn: Okay, so, how deep is this place?

Travis: I didn't get very deep before I left to check on you... I would have gotten further, but I just HAD to murder that annoying car salesman, and stuffing his corpse in the dumpster reminded me of you...

Dayn: ... how does THAT work?

Travis: Nothing. It has nothing to do with a formerly planned and non-executed, but still-noted, murder plot. Not at all.

Dayn: Ohhkay... You scare me... and wasn't Dutchess following us?

*meanwhile, a little ways back*

Dutchess: ^.^ *is digging away at patch of dirt*

*back with our heroes*

Dayn: I'm sure she'll be fine.

Travis: Eh, you're right. Say, do you see light up there?

Dayn: Macho mach- oh dear God, they have me doing it now...

Travis: And I'll fix it the same way *evil grin*

Dayn: O_O Shutting up!

*a short decent later*

Travis: WHAT THE HELL?!!

*Travis and Dayn have stepped into a small, rock-walled village in the middle of the mountains*

Stone Giant Lord: Welcome to the High Mountain Village!

Travis: ... HIGH? HIGH MOUNTAIN VILLAGE?! WE JUST DECENDED THROUGH WHAT HAD TO BE SEVERAL HUNDRED VERTICAL FEET OF DUNGEON! AND WE STARTED SLIGHTLY ABOVE SEA LEVEL.

Dayn: Um, Travis...

Stone Giant Lord: Yes. The staircases are mysterious in their ways.

Travis: Even though there was no evidence of magical tampering with the staircases AT ALL.

Stone Giant Lord: Yes.

Dayn: Um...

Travis: When my altimeter-o-matic attached to the corruption-o-meter registered -400 feet scant seconds ago, and as a matter of fact somehow STILL DOES.

Stone Giant Lord: Yes.

Dayn: Travis, this is kinda important...

Travis: Don't interrupt the grown-ups! *turns back to stone giant lord* And especially when-*is crushed by falling macho man*

Dayn: Oh God no.

Macho man: Macho Mach-

Travis: *blasts the machoman to oblivion from below* IF I HEAR THAT SONG ONE MORE TIME IM GONNA DESTROY THIS DAMNED MOUNTAIN CHAIN MYSELF!

Stone Giant Lord: Oh dear me. That looked QUITE painful. Unfortunately, I have to kill you now... it's my job, and all, you know.

Travis: F*** you. *alchemy'd*

Stone Giant Lord: GAH! THE EXPLOSION! IT BUUUUUURNS! *falls backwards* Help... I've fallen and can't get up...

Travis: *turns Stone Giant Lord into a turtle* It's more befitting.

Dayn: Since when could you do that? O_O

(Former) Stone Giant Lord: .......!

Travis: They had a polymorph spell hidden on the back cover of the bless spellbook! ^.^ Only for turtles though, and it doesn't last very long... seems a little pointless, but it's damn funny when your opponent is on his back. Rock little turtle... ROCK!

*Former Stone Giant Lord implodes from fear*

Travis: Well, saves me the trouble of having to make him EXplode. Violently. Anyway, Dayn, let us explore this town!

Dayn: Ja, mein freund!

Travis: Quit speaking German, I had enough of that when the Panzer and Wermacht APC landed on my head.

*flashback*

German soldiers: *parade out of APC, which is crushing Travis* SIEG HEIL MEIN FURHER! o/

*end flashback*

Dayn: Yeah... that was... weird...

Travis: I'd say... anyway, onto exploring!

Dayn: Can I say a catchy Russian phrase?

Travis: No. I had enough of that when the IL-2 Sturmovik landed on my head.

*you're not getting a flashback, suckas... you can imagine what happened anyway. It involves a lot of "da"ing.*

Dayn: Damn. The stuff that lands on your head has been up to a lot since I left ya, hasn't it?

Travis: Yeah, like that French cafe...

*too easy*

Dayn: Did it bomb you with cheese-bearing frenchmen again?

Travis: Yes...

*later*

Frenchman: Oui oui! *implodes*

Travis: OH GOD NO, THE CHEESEBEARERS HAVE PARACHUTED IN AGAIN! AHHHHHHHHHHH! *runs off to the other end of town screaming and beating at the rock walls*

Dayn: It was only one annoying Frenchman...

Travis: *suddenly back* Yeah, I know... I majored in drama in high school...

Dayn: You went to high school?

Travis: Of course! Why do you think I'm a wizard?

*Old barbarian flies by*

Old Barbarian: Hello Harry!

Travis: >_> This is getting too random... we need to hurry up and close that gate before things get weirder...

Old Barbarian: *flies by again* OH, AND BY THE WAY, SINCE YOU MURDERED TWENTY BUNNIES AS I REQUESTED, HERE'S THE COURAGE SKILL! *tosses a Randomly Glowing Ball of Orb*

Travis: ....

Dayn: @.@ What's thiiiiiiiiis?!

Travis: DON'T F***ING LOOK, IT'S MADE OF GOLDONIUM!

Dayn: But... the words... so shiney... it... they say...

Travis: WHAT?! WHAT DO THEY SAY?!

Dayn: ... Made By Boilerplate Inc....

Travis: ... *averts Dayn's gaze* That is SO typical it isn't FUNNY. Now come on. *kicks Randomly Glowing Ball of Orb into air and swallows it* Mmmm, couragey.

Dayn: Thanks... it was drawing me in... and what the hell just happened?

Travis: >_> it's how you gain skills by a physical action. Don't question it. Randomly Glowing Balls of Orb are mysterious in their ways.

Dayn: Ah. Anyway. Where will you go first? This town looks well-end... oh look, the penguin.

Penguin: *putts by* Butt Butt Butt Butt Butt Butt.

Penguin 2: *putts by in other direction* Butt Butt Butt Butt Butt Butt.

Penguin: *meets penguin 2* Butt?

Penguin 2: *meets penguin* Butt!

Penguins: *putt off* Butt Butt Butt Butt Butt Butt.

Dylan: That was weird...

Sliat: WONDERFUL! NOW WE CAN'T TELL 'EM APART!

Lee: Oh, you idiots, you have defrilibrated any and all chance of getting the monetary value in economical lauded taxi sausagemachines.

Dylan: Wow, Lee ALMOST said something intelligent... but it degraded into randomness too fast.

Knux: UGAAAAAAAAAA! *is seen falling sideways past the group*

Dylan: OH CRAP! AFTER THEM! *zoom*

Travis: That group gets weirder and weirder...


Physics defied, randomness elated, insanity abound, what will happen in the High Mountain Village? Find out in Chapter XXVI: Running and Gagging.

© 2006 Travis Prue and Daniel Muir