Chapter 24: Dance Dance Jackal Revolution!

Travis: DAYN?! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU?!

Dayn: Oh, ran into some traps >_> *is on fire and charred severely*

Travis: Well, anyway. I found this CRAZY unremarkable dungeon thing underneath a small cave!

Dayn: How can it be crazy yet unremarkable?

Travis: Don't ask me. Boilerplate sign.

Dayn: Ah.

Travis: Anyway. The place is crazy. Talking rats, car shows with bad salesmen, strange dumpsters, all that. You gotta see it! Well, anyway, I got worried about where you had gone after the antslaying revolution you started back there, so I got out and found you in here, past those crazy jackals.

Dayn: You met them too?

Travis: Like hell I did. Th-

Jackals: HA HA HA! MA-CHI ALA FOAM-A!

Travis: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?!!

Jackals: We just like to dance V_V

Travis: ...

Dayn: Let's just ignore them.

Travis: I concur. Anyway. What happened in aforementioned antslaying revolution?

Dayn: >:) Antslaying. I flayed their carapaces off with rusty knives, tortured others, and just all-around slaughtered the rest! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Travis: ... Dayn?

Dayn: Yes?

Travis: You don't think being attacked by ants back at the start of this crazy adventure... affected your mental state, did it?

Dayn: HA! No. Travis... Travis, Travis, Travis.

Travis: ...

Dayn: Do you know what is outside of this pyramid?

Travis: The Drakalor Chain?

Dayn: Correct. And within this Drakalor Chain there are monsters. Some are good. Some are bad. Some deserve to die when you see them. And others are so unspeakably mutated, such a plague on this planet, this universe, that they must be DESTROYED. Do you understand me?

Travis: ...

Dayn: Imagine, if you will, a ten-ton ant with an inferiority complex stomping through one of the major cities in Ancardia. That would be... pretty bad, no? Of course it would. And by Orion's belt, all ants shall be destroyed BY THE END OF THE GALACTIC STANDARD WEEK! FOR ANTS ARE A MISTAKE! AN ABOMINATION! A PLAGUE UPON EXISTANCE ITSELF! In order to keep our PRECIOUS bodily fluids SECURE, we must BOMB THIS THREAT INTO SUBMISSION! TO HELL WITH CONGRESS!

Travis: Okay, that's IT, I'm taking away your Men In Black movies. Strangelove too.

Dayn: Awwwww...

Jackals: Disching, disching, dischinghis Khaaaaaaaan!

Travis and Dayn: Let's get out of here.

Travis and Dayn: I agree.

Travis and Dayn: *zip*

*later*

Jackals: *distantly* EVERYBODY POL-KA! *accordian noises*

Travis: Those jackals freak me out...

Dayn: What jackals?

Travis: ...

Dayn: It's easier to pretend they just don't exist.

Travis: Hm, point. Now where the hell are we?

Dayn: Looks like we're at the top of the pyramid. Awfully wide open, dimly lit... perfect place for an ambush.

Travis: Hey, does that statue over there... Dayn, stay, away from the statues.

Dayn: Ah. Mimics. I thought they looked odd.

Statue: LIES! WE ARE PERFECTLY INCONSPICUOUS! Wait... well, damn.

*statues commit suicide*

Travis: Should we be freaked out by that?

Dayn: Moreso by the fact that Dutchess is standing next to you with a murderous look on her face.

Travis: Yes... I KNEW I didn't stab her well enough. She's a bitch.

Dutchess: As much as I want to kill you right now, Travis, I would PREFER that we turn our combined attention to the mummies hiding behind the pillars...

Mummies: THEY'RE ONTO US! *commit suicide*

Dutchess: ... okay. Nevermind. Let's just get to the st-

Rehetep: Welcome... travellerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrsssssssssssss.

Travis: What do you want you sack of *bones*.

Rehetep: INSOLENCE! I AM THE PHARAOH, REHETEP!

Dayn: Zip it *bone* bag

Rehetep: What are you talking about?

Travis: You sure look *boney*

Rehetep: Oh shut up. I was told a long time ago when I was a little egyptian boy on the nile that sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me.

Dutchess: BONES!

Rehetep: Wha- *is knocked over by Dutchess, who gnaws on his leg*

Dayn: TRAVIS! HIT THE TRAP!

Travis: THIS ISN'T GHOSTBUSTERS! Still, I know what you mean. HIYARGH! *fires a fireball at Rehetep, singeing Dutchess and killing Rehetep violently*

Rehetep: X_X

Dutchess: ^.^ Yummeh, bones

Dayn: Will that keep her distracted long enough for us to RUN THE HELL AWAY!?

Travis: Nah. I had this as a contingency plan! As long as we give her a bone a day she should remain loyal and non-bloodthirsty!

Dayn: Bu-

Travis: Dutchess! C'mere girl!

Dutchess: Bark! *runs over*

Travis: Okay, Dayn. Read one of those HuCo scrolls.

Dayn: WHA-

Travis: JUST DO IT!

Dayn: Okay, okay, fine. *reads one, dutchess' eyes become less red*

Dutchess: Ahhhh. It felt horrible having multiple ribs. Damn corruption. Thank you Travis and Dayyyyyyyyyn ^.^

Travis: Welcome back, my loyal purple doggeh ^.^

Dayn: ...

Dutchess: NOW LET ME FINISH EATING REHETEP! *does so*

Dayn: Is he yummy?

Dutchess: Very much so ^.^

Travis: ...

Dayn: Travis?

Travis: ...

Dayn: What is it?

Travis: The... a...a..

Dayn: eh eh?

Travis: THE ANHK!

Dayn: >_> are you going to do that with EVERY artifact we come across? Dutchess, don't eat his wrappings, please, they look valuable.

Travis: MY BAD LUCK IS GONE AT LAST! *is crushed by falling Apollo lunar module*

Neil Armstrong: That's one small step for ten men, one giant fall backwards for a lunar module.

*Lunar module jettisons decent stage and flies back through hole in the roof, leaving Travis pinned*

Dayn: *sigh* Travis, what did I tell you about that?

Travis: Just shut up and get the the damn Anhk. THEN GET ME OUT FROM THIS STRANGE GOLDEN-FOIL-WRAPPED-THING!

*20 minutes later*

Travis: *now wearing Anhk* I feel better...

Jackalwere: SO DO WE! LET US DANCE!

Jackals: Do the hussle!

*everybody does the hussle... freaks...*

Dayn: ^.^

Jackals: ^.^

Dutchess: ^.^ *still chewing on Rehetep's leg while dancing*

Travis: ^.^ *blasts Jackals, Jackalwere, and Jackal Demon into oblivion* Let's get outta here...

Dayn: Good idea, I was getting sick of their singing anyway... yet strangely starting to enjoy myself O_o

Jackalwere: *stands up, quite burnt* But we're good singers! See?! Laaaaaaaaaaaa!

*everybody falls asleep*

Jackalwere: Dammit, WHY DOES THAT ALWAYS HAPPEN?!

Travis: *gets up* Meh, I dunno, doesn't work on me... I think it's cause my ears are jammed up with beeswax from that damn unremarkable dungeon. *evil grin*

Jackalwere: Oh cr- *blasted into oblivion*


After having successfully re-united with and pacified Dutchess, "defeated" Rehetep and his army of mummies (and then subsequently eating him), and stopped them damned annoying jackals from dancing the night away, what will our heroes do now? Find out in Chapter XXV: High, middle, and low mountain villages

© 2006 Travis Prue and Daniel Muir