Chapter 28: The Middle of Nowhere.
Middle Mountain Village Pillagers: KILL THE HERETICS! *are surrounding Travis, Dayn, and Hawkslayer after they have just entered the Middle Mountain Village*
Travis: Ok, this SUCKS...
Dayn: What do we do?
Hawkslayer: O_o I say we surrendar.
Travis: Don't you mean surrender?
Hawkslayer: 0.o No, I mean surrendar.
Dayn: No, I'm sure you mean surrender...
Hawkslayer: o.0 oh.
Dayn: ... wait, I have an idea. HAWKSLAYER! THERE ARE HAWKS ON ALL THE PILLAGER'S HEADS!
Hawkslayer: O.o Just because my name is Hawkslayer, it doesnt mean I slay hawks. I like the little guys.
Dayn: Damn, I really hoped that would work...
Travis: I got a similar idea! DAYN, THE PILLAGERS ALL HAVE ANTS ON THEM AND THEY'RE ALLIED WITH THEM!
Dayn: ...
Travis: ...
Dayn: ...
Hawkslayer: 0_O...
Travis: ...
Dayn: ...
Travis: ...
Dayn: ... I don't see any ants.
Travis: @#%$!%^!!
Dayn: We're screwed aren't we?
Travis: Yes, yes we are... #%$!%.
*later*
Dayn: *him, Travis, and Hawkslayer are all being led away tied to a post with their limbs tied to said post* ... Travis, I have a bad feeling about this.
Hawkslayer: Yes, as do I... O0
Travis: !%#^&^!^!$^@@! *and so on*
Hawkslayer: O_o my word
Dayn: What the heck does that mean?!
Hawkslayer: O_0 It's my word.
Middle Mountain Village Pillagers: BURN THE HERETICS! THEY COME FROM THE HIGH MOUNTAIN VILLAGE! *begin stoning the three*
Travis: Ow... I ha- ow -te you, Day- OW! -n
Dayn: Funny, I don't feel anything.
Hawkslayer: o.O me either, I think it has something to do with Travis being the only one unarmored.
Travis: @$$%^!
Dayn: That, and all the stones are turning away from us to him...
*later*
*post has been set up vertically in a bunch of firewood, leaving the three hanging down with a crowd of Pillagers still stoning them Travis*
Travis: %$@!! %^!%!#!!! #%^^^!!@@@!
Dayn: Damn those must hurt.
Travis: #$!@ YOU DAYN!
Dayn: Whoa.
Hawkslayer: O_O WOAH!
*elsewhere*
Dutchess: I'm so close, I can smell it! *is throwing up chunks of Ancardia's core as she digs deeper*
*back with Travis, Dayn, and the slayerhawk guy*
Hawkslayer: O.o ACHOO!
Travis: @$%!%!% you and your sinuses.
Dayn: TRAVIS, QUIT SAYING BLEEPS AND HELP US THINK OF HOW TO GET OUT OF THIS!
Travis: .... $!%%!!!%^&*&@!!
Dayn: What was that for?!
Travis: For saying #%!@ing swears all this time when I %$!^@ing could have been GETTING THE @$!%^ OUT OF HERE!
Dayn: ... something tells me that he's not gonna be helping anytime soon...
Hawkslayer: o.O Indeed
Travis: #$!% you.
*back to the dog*
*Dutchess emerges in China*
Chinaman: *chinese*
Chinamen: :O *more chinese*
Chinawoman: :o *EXTREME CHINESE!*
Chinaman: ... *eats chinese*
Dutchess: <_< f*** this, I'm outta here. *begins digging again*
*elsewhere*
Oracle: I just had a feeling them kids I sent to the Middle Village are in danger... Oh well, they'll be dead by morning. Too bad though, I really liked that fighter's golden gladius...
*aaaaaaaaaaaaand back with Dayn and Travis and the hawkguy.*
Hawkslayer: O.o oh dear
*firewood has been lit on fire and is slowly turning into a mini-inferno*
Travis: *fire licks at feet* @$!%!, IT TICKLES! EHEHEHEHEHE! ^_^
Dayn: O_o huh?
Travis: You see, because of these accursed rin- wait, where are my rings?
*back in China*
Chinaman: :O *points at rings... then eats them* ^_^
*back with Travis and Dayn and hawkslayer, oh my!*
Travis: Well, &^%$, now I'm gonna die with the two of you... on the other hand, at least in my final moments I am FREE OF THE BAD LUCK! *is crushed by falling foxstorm*
Foxes: BARK! *explode*
Travis: ... me and my big @$!%ing mouth... *highly burnt*
Dayn: O_o
Hawkslayer: o_O indeed
Dayn: Wait, do you hear rumbling?
Travis: ^&*&%* %&$% %&$ %# %^# ## $% $ $%$ #@#ZOD$#$^$%&
Dayn: Oh sweet Onn, please give me earwax so I can block out the RELENTLESS #%$!%ING SWEARING!
Hawkslayer: O_O
Travis: #$!@ O_O
Dayn: YEAH, I $*$%ING SAID #&#(@. GET THE $#%& OFF MY #(&$#@ BACK!
Travis: =O ^^ he has learned my @$!%ing ways!
Hawkslayer: O_O
Travis: Umm, that time i didnt swear O_o I said cussing o_O
FCC guy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZ00000000000R! *dives and rolls, exploding, digging a 20 foot crater that annihilates half the pillagers. Dutchess leaps out of the smoke*
Dutchess: BARK!
Middle Mountain Village Pillagers: O_O OH GOD NO, A DOG!!
Travis: DUTCHESS!
Dutchess: ^^ BARK! *unties Travis, sending him plummeting into the flames*
Travis: #%!^$@^!%##@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dutchess: O_o whoops
*after everybody is saved and Travis is dug out of the fire*
Hawkslayer: -.-
Dayn: Umm, whats with Hawkslayer?
Travis: It looks like the poor guy died of natural causes. =(
Hawkslayer: O.- churrooooooooooooooooooooo
Travis: I stand corrected, and also feel that there is a reference I'm missing >_>
Dayn: And where the hell did Dutchess come from and WHERE THE HELL DID THE PILLAGERS GO?!
Dutchess: They're dogophobes. And I dug a hole from China. ^^
Travis: Where is China?
Dayn: What's a dogophobe?
Dutchess: China is on the other side of Ancardia apparently. A dogophobe is someone who's morbidly afraid of dogs.
Hawkslayer: I thought we were on earth? o_0
Dayn: Earth? HUH?!
Hawkslayer: O.o nevermind
Travis: ... so you dug to the other side of Ancardia within an hour... then dug a hole here... to rescue us...
Dutchess: Yup ^^
Travis: .... HOW THE @$!%!^1 DOES THAT WORK?!'/
Will Travis ever stop swearing?!
Travis: @@!%$# you.
Nope, apparently not. Our heroes set off for the low mountain village, hopefully not to run into the same situation! Find out if they do in Chapter XXIX: Now THAT'S Low
© 2006 Travis Prue and Daniel Muir