Chapter 30: Mad, mad, MAD Minstrel.

Travis: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.... ahhh.... damn this flight is boring. *is flying through the upper atmosphere at Ludicrous Speed*

...

...

Travis: I... hate... TREBUCHETS!

...

...

Travis: You know, I kinda expected, both the first time I got launched out of a trebuchet and this one, that there would be more screaming involved. I just wanna crash and see if I survive already! *crashes at Ludicrous Impact* Ow...

*whilewhile*

Dayn: *is chopping through the underbrush with the Golden Gladius* I calculated his trajectory, he's gonna - or has - landed around here. We just have to keep searching.

Hawkslayer: 0.o I hope Travis is okay.

*back to Travis*

Travis: Oh look, I just grew another hand. Wait, that's my spine. Oh well, it's indistinguishable from a hand NOW, at least. Also, I seem to be bleeding from my crashage.

*Travis is mangled in a various assortment of vital, blunt-force-traumaed body parts*

*many, MANY casts of Cure Light Wounds later*

Travis: Now, where am I?

Jerrica: You are where you stand. *looks up, almost expecting something to fall on her*

Travis: *looks up as well* Hmm... anyway, arent you that girl who's always being crushed?

Jerrica: Yes...

Travis: Your name is... ummm... Jessica? No... Jennifer? No... What was it? Oh, I remember, it's Danielle! ^_^

Jerrica: *beats Travis down with a large rock*

Travis: OW...

Jerrica: =o I'm sorry! *heals Travis with Cure Not-so-light-but-not-so-serious Wounds.*

Travis: The pain... is... like five hundred degree... plasma... but... it's... gone... relatively... anyway...

Jerrica: Well, anyway. *casts Reduce Pain, but it fails, causing Travis more pain*

Travis: ... I don't know whether to love or hate you...

Jerrica: O_o

*meanmean*

Hawkslayer: *has a hawk perched on his head* O.- I seem to have a large bird of prey on my head.

Dayn: Eh... it probably is feeding off all the rat's we've been killing. How many of them ARE there out here, anyway? We need a Swat Cat team.

Lion: RAWR!

Dayn: TOO BIG! TOO BIIIIIIIIIIIIG!

Tiger: GROWL!

Hawkslayer: O_O STILL TOO BIIIIIG!

Kitten: Mew?

Dutchess: And a kitten?

Dayn: Lions, tigers, and kittens? O_o

Hawkslayer: Oh, my o.o

*That scene speaks for itself. Back to Travis and Jerrica as the rats are killed at Ludicrous Speed!*

Jerrica: *dodges falling penguin*

Travis: So you have bad luck too?

Penguin: Butt... butttttttttt...

Jerrica: *Staring at penguin* Umm... yeah...

Travis: Oh, don't worry about the penguin... that happens ALLL the time... in about 10 seconds, four guys will show up and start chasing it...

Penguin: BUTT?! *putts off at Ludicrous Speed*

Travis: Aaaaaaaaaand here they go.

*Sliat, Dylan, Knux, and Lee run by, saying the usual things*

Jerrica: That's...

Travis: Weird, strange, really f***ed up?

Jerrica: Yeah,

Travis: Anyway, how did your bad luck come about?

Jerrica: I guess I've always had it.

Travis: That sucks...

Jerrica: I know...

Travis: Hey, wait, what's that up ahead?

*whilewhilemeanmean*

Dayn: Hey, a small clearing...

Hawkslayer: o.O Do you think we should enter?

Dutchess: I'm not sure. It doesn't feel right, here.

Dayn: Pfft, you dogs and your "feelings".

Dutchess: EVEN DOGS HAVE FEELINGS TOO! *runs off crying*

Dayn: Of course... they do...? o.o

Hawkslayer: Master Dayn, have you done a bad thing? 0.0

Dayn: Indeed. At least, I think indeed.

Mad Minstrel:
There once was a man from Peru
Who had a rock stuck in his shoe
So he grumbled and groaned
And finally he moaned
And threw his shoe in the lagoon!

Dayn: Ummm... WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?

Mad Minstrel:
I'm afraid if you don't know Limerick
You're in quite a bit of a stink
I deal out tips in various ways
Probably all for the rest of my days
So plunk your ass down and lissink!

Dayn: ...Lissink isn't even a word!

Mad Minstrel: It's hard to rhyme all the time!
I could be in your shoes, could you be in mine?

Dayn: ...

Dutchess: I say we kill him before my head explodes.

Hawkslayer: O.o

Dayn: I agree...

Hawkslayer: 0.O NO, MY COMPATRIOTS! This may be a valuable source of information!

Dayn: That... is NOT information... it's just... confusing... x.x

Hawkslayer: Tell me more... o_0

Picard: You'll have to call again!

All: ...

Mad Minstrel: What the hell was that, I say? Should we send out a mayday?

Dayn: Dammit...

*back to Travis*

Travis: AAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Jerrica: What is it?

Travis: Somebody just used a limerick!

Jerrica: O_o is that like a superpower of yours?

Travis: To know when someone's using limerick?

Jerrica: ... yes.

Travis: Yes. Yes it is.

Jerrica: ...

Travis: ...

Jerrica: ... do you find them that awful?

Travis: They hurt brain.

Jerrica: I see that.

Travis: It's... that... WAY! *points east*

Jerrica: No time for that. We've reached the Rift!

Travis: What the hell is the Rift? o.O

Jerrica: It's a very, VERY deep cavern beyond this huge and imposing cliff that leads to a library with EVERY SPELLBOOK IN EXISTANCE...

Travis: ... can we make out?

Jerrica: O_o

Travis: FOR TELLING ME THAT! OUT OF JOY! O_O

Jerrica: o_O Ooooooooooookay. *pushes Travis down the rift*

Travis: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-*thunk*

Jerrica: That was a short fall... o.O

Travis: NO, I LATCHED ONTO THE WALL VIA THIS CLIMBING KIT!

Jerrica: ... WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU HAD ONE?! I DON'T! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET DOWN THERE NOW?!

Travis: I WAS GOING TO AFTER WE MADE OUT!

Jerrica: >_> *tosses boulder down rift which hits Travis due to the power of the rings*

Travis: *crack* OW! That hurt!

Jerrica: O_o

Travis: SOMEHOW MY CLIMBING SET IS STILL HOLDING!

Jerrica: Not for long you ba-EEEEEEEEEK! *is hit by a falling Dell and knocked bodily into the Rift* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH-*thud*

Travis: Welcome aboard Travis' Climbing Expedition Line. Today, we'll be scaling the rift! What a beaut' of a mountain!

Jerrica: *dangling precariously from Travis's hand* NOT THE TIME FOR JOOOOOOOOKES!!

Travis: And stright down is our death should the climbing set break!

Jerrica: I hate you....

Travis: I love you.

Jerrica: Fack this! *lets go* AH- huh?

Travis: Did I forget to mention that we're only 5 feet from a jutting-out ledge?

Jerrica: *grumble* *pulls Travis by the ankle and throws him down the rift*

Travis: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!*thud* I HAVE REACHED THE BOTTOM! Wait, this is another ledge. *is thrown off by Jerrica*

Travis: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!*thud* I HAVE REACHED THE BOTTOM! Wait, this is another ledge. *is thrown off by Jerrica*

Travis: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!*thud* I HAVE REACHED THE BOTTOM! Wait, this is another ledge. *is thrown off by Jerrica*

*repeat ad nauseam for an hour*


How badly is Travis bruised? How many things (including bones) broke in the many falls? What will Dayn do to make his companions (and himself) resist the urge to murder the poetry-using one known as the Mad Minstrel, the newest information source in this mad, mad, mad, mad, MAD adventure? Find out next time in Chapter XXXI: Guitar Rifts!?

© 2006 Travis Prue and Daniel Muir