Chapter 31: Guitar Rifts.

*much falling later*

Travis: Sitting, sitting, bleeding...

Jerrica: Are you okay?

Travis: No thanks to you... *is crushed by a white 1992 ford escort*

*much casting of Cure Light Wounds (minus the exploding intermixed) later*

Travis: Whelp, I'm RELATIVELY okay now. Now where's this library?

Jerrica: *sitting behind wheel of car* VROOOOOM!

Travis: Get out of that thing! You don't know where it's been.

Jerrica: It's been falling.

Travis: Touche.

Goblins: Ahem.

Travis: >_> *zap*

Goblin: I REGRET NOTHING! I LIVED AS FEW MEN DARED TO DREAM! *dies horribly*

Travis: *is buried under approximately 3 to 3000 rocks thrown by Goblins* ... ow?

Jerrica: Wait, 3 to 3000?

Onn: *Don't ask, we're bad at estimating.*

Goblins: DIE HEATHEN!

Jerrica: ACK! *car is jostled by rockthrow* EAT SCALPEL! *throws scalpel through window*

Beholder: HAHAHAHAHA, WITNESS YOUR DOOOOO-GAK! *is hit in the eye by scalpel, falls to the ground and dies*

Goblins: O_o

Jerrica: *sneaky*

Travis: *is sneakily dragged*

Jerrica: *ninjas away*

Goblins: Hey, where did they go?

Goblin: Screw it, let's just fight to the death for that Beholder meat.

Goblins: OKAY!

*much clubbing and rockthrow is heard*

*meanwhile*

Travis: Ninjas away?

Jerrica: >_> I am very skilled in the art of stealth-healing.

Travis: But NINJAS? NINJA IS NOT A VERB!

Jerrica: And?

Travis: You know what, forget it.

Jerrica: Let's just go about finding this blasted library, we've gotten into enough trouble already. I hope you still have that climbing kit, otherwise we're trapped down here.

Travis: I... lost it...

Jerrica: ...

Travis: ...

Jerrica: ...

Travis: ...

Jerrica: ... WELL? THERE SHOULD BE A PLOT DEVICE BY NOW!

Ratling Trader: *sneaks up behind Travis* HELLO THERE!

Travis: EEEEK! *jumps so high he crashes into the ceiling of the cave*

Jerrica: >_> Who are you and what do you want?

Ratling Trader: HAVE I GOT A DEAL FOR YOU! ONE CLIMBING SET, 20,000 GOLD!

Jerrica: WHAT!?

Ratling Trader: BUT, SINCE YOU'RE SUCH A PRETTY GIRL, I'LL DROP THE PRICE TO ONLY 10,000 GOLD!

Jerrica: I don't like you.

Ratling Trader: ALAS, IT GOES WITH THE JOB. SO HAVE I MADE A SALE OR WHAT?!

Jerrica: How about this. You give me the climbing set in exchange for me not SCALPELING YOU TO DEATH.

*Travis falls on the ratling trader and kills him*

Jerrica: Ah well, saves me the trouble. You relatively alright?

Travis: I hurt.

Jerrica: Suck it up, you baby. Let's go. At the very least we can get out of here once we're done. *picks up a climbing set*

Travis: I think one of the climbing sets punctured a lung, or two.

Jerrica: And yet you're still breathing.

Travis: It's the ri-*dies*

Jerrica: O_O

Travis: Kidding.

Jerrica: Damn you and your "feign death" skill, it gets me every time.

Travis: Feign what? I just stopped breathing.

Jerrica: ... well, great. Now I'm not so sure of my competence anymore.

Travis: I can reassure you of it! ;)

Jerrica: *SCALPEL*

Travis: ... ow... I bleed...

*meanwhile*

Dayn: Look, just tell me something damn useful or I'll sword at you until you die.

Mad Minstrel: IF you wish to recover the orbs, fire is the element living on the surface, of course!

Dayn: THAT DIDN'T EVEN RHYME! OR HELP!

Mad Minstrel: It does in my mixed up mind, I say, especially today!

Dayn: Guh... patience... rapidly running out. Look, something useful, PLEASE.

Mad Minstrel: If your shirt is covered in blood, wash it out with a little mud.

Dayn: WHY YO- wait.... that... might... be... nope, you're dead. *chases MM with the Golden Gladius*

Mad Minstrel: Roses are red, violets are blue. You're trying to kill me, so I'm running from you!

Dayn: GET BACK HEEEEEEEEERE!

Hawkslayer: o.O this is quite the conundrum.

Dutchess: Whatchoo talkin bout slayer?

Hawkslayer: o_O please stop using ebonics

Dutchess: What the hell are ebonics? O_o Does that have something to do with bones?

Hawkslayer: Nevermind O.0

Dayn: GET BACK HERE YOU RHYMING MORON!

Mad Minstrel: A rhyming moron, you say? Well, be that as it may! Your sword is sharp, and I don't want to lose a part! So now I'll just run away!

Dayn: YOU HAD BETTER!

Mad Minstrel: I will because im not dumb, I'm never going to stop, not even to pick a plum!

Dayn: ARRRRRRRRRGJH!!!

*back to Travis*

Travis: *being dragged by Jerrica* I feel very much in hurt. Oh hi, little kitty cat! MEOW!

Jerrica: What the hell are you tal- *comes face to face with a lion* Oh.

Travis: *Gets up* Here kitty kitty kitty KITTY!

Lion: Rawr?

Jerrica: THAT ISN'T A KITTY, YOU MORON! *casts Clear Head on Travis which backfires onto a rock*

Rock: Thank you! I AM FINALLY SENTIENT! TO ME, MY BROTHERS! *leads a rock rebellion on the gravel, hopping away*

Jerrica: That can't be good..

Travis: *steps toward lion* Nice KITTY!

Lion: O_o f*** this, I'm not paid enough for this job *runs away*

Tiger: ME EITHER! *runs after*

Bear: Hrowr! WAIT FOR ME! *runs after tiger*

Jerrica: Lions... and Tigers... and Bears?

Travis: Whoda thunk it?

Rock: You guys are messed up. You should both get married...

Travis: SHHH! *whispers in rock's ear* Don't ruin the suprise

Jerrica: O_o

Travis: Kidding?

Jerrica: ...

Travis:...

Rock:...

Jerrica:...

Travis: ...

Jerrica: DIEEEEEEE!

Travis: *SCALPEL'D!*

*meanwhile*

Mad Minstrel: Run run run as fast as you can, you can't catch me I'M THE GINGERBREAD MAN!

Dayn: *is huddled against a tree, sobbing*

Hawkslayer: o.O Dayn?

Dayn: ... too... many rhymes... leave... ALONE... MAKE STOP... *sob*

Mad Minstrel: Ah, and so my psychological warfare against the fighter concludes. Now, my friends, what was it that you wanted?

Dutchess: O_o YOU CAN SPEAK WITHOUT RHYMING?

Mad Minstrel: Of course.

Dutchess: ... then why did you do that to Dayn?

Mad Minstrel: Sometimes I have the oddest urge to sing songs and rhyme about hints that might help adventurers such as yourselves. They're hard to not indulge, but once I did - such as my usage of limerick - the urge dissapears. However! I decided to keep going upon seeing your annoyance, to decide how much you could take.

Dutchess: ... you're a prick.

Mad Minstrel: Oh, I know.


Will Travis ever stop getting hurt by Jerrica? Will Jerrica ever get over her obsessive love of wounding people with scalpels and possibly healing them afterwards for MORE scalpeling? (Not likely) And lastly, will Dayn ever stop crying over bad rhymes? Find out in Chapter XXXII: Information! Overload!

© 2006 Travis Prue and Daniel Muir