Chapter 36: if(QUEST == 2) Thrundarr = 'Windbag';

Thrundarr: Alrighty, so... let me get this straight. You fought Nonnak, pushed him down stairs, and then saved Griff Bloodax. And you expect to just merrily go on your way to this TOWER OF ETERNAL FLAMES to get some orb to stop the invasion of chaos creatures. I DON'T THINK SO.

Travis: >_>

Dayn: But... uhh... we never said we would do anything else for you. And aren't you supposed to open the portal now?

Thrundarr: WELL EXCUSE ME, SINCE THERE'S NOW AN INFESTATION OF OGRES UNDER THE FRIGGING CITY! GET DOWN THERE, WHAT AM I PAYING YOU IDIOTS FOR?!

Travis: Let me guess... you want us to kill all of them?

Dayn: Don't add any more fuel to his senile fires, let's just do what he says.

Thrundarr: NOW LEAVE ME TO GET BACK TO MY SOAPS!

Hawkslayer: O.o

Jerrica: And just when I thought this adventure had everything, they go and put a senile dwarf into the mix. What's next, the kitchen sink?

Kitchen Sink: I RESEMBLE THAT REMARK! *falls on Travis*

Travis: ... I... hate... the... world...

Jerrica: Okay, moving on.

Dayn: Agreed. *toss*

Travis: X.x thanks

*later*

Ogre: GRAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWR!

Dayn: *paladin*

Ogre: Grawr?

Travis: *moose*

Dayn: I don't think this is working.

Jerrica: *SCALPEL*

Ogre: That is- X_x

Dayn: Whoa, nice one.

Jerrica: I. AM. A MEDICAL NINJA.

Dayn: What, a doctor-ninja?

Jerrica: No, a healer-ninja. Sheesh, doctor-ninja...

Travis: >_>

Dutchess: (Damn you, plugs...)

Ogre Magus: *appears* BOO.

Hawkslayer: *GIRLY SCREAM HERE*

Travis: >_> *blows up Ogre Magus with a Fire Bolt*

Dayn: Nice. Alright, onward ho, we're only two rooms in.

Jerrica: Did you just call me a ho? >_>

Dutchess: *is devouring an ogre corpse*

Dayn: No, we're all just being as crazy as is normal.

Travis: >_>

Dutchess: <_<

Travis: Share?

*even more later retal erom neve... dammit, it doesn't work with that!*

Dutchess: Yum. *licks lips*

Dayn: Okay, these Ogre Mages are starting to ignore me.

Travis: You mean annoy?

Dayn: NO, ignore... they're going for you now >_>

Travis: Oh. *swarmed* AHHHHHHHHHHHH! MY ARMPITS!

*much ogre-bashing later*

*Travis, Dayn, Dutchess, Hawkslayer, and Jerrica stumble from the stairs looking bloody and dishevelled, Travis moreso*

Dayn: Please tell me you have nothing else for us to do...

Thrundarr: Eh? You crowd again? Well, how bout you go face that demon who's, you know, slaughtering people as we speak.

*demon goes by screaming something about Black Jesus and dead midgets while launching fire-bolts at dwarves*

Travis: >_> F*** YOU! I'M NOT TOUCHING THIS SITUATION. YOU AND YOUR DWARFY PEOPLE ARE ON YOUR OWN!

Dayn: No, no, no, gold to be gained Travis, gold, favor, and lawfulness! @.@ AVAST YE! *charge*

Jerrica: Ugh, that idiot. HAWKSLAYER! DUTCHESS! COME ON!

Dwarven Guardians: YAR! *slicesliceslice*

Demon: FUHUHUHU! *dodgedodgedodgeFWOOSH*

Dwarven Guardians: OUR EYEBROWS! AND SKIN!

Dayn: YAAAAAAAAAAAR!

Demon: *FWOOSH*

Dayn: OH CRAP! *duckandcover*

Wall which Dayn is hiding behind: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! I'M MEEEEEEEEEELTING! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELTING!

Dayn: Shut up and protect me, wall.

Wall: Whatever.

Demon: You can't hide foreverererererererer! HAHUFIAKHDOUHFAHDDA!

Dayn: Damn... this bitch is insane...

Travis: Hi!

Dayn: AAAAAAAAGH!

Travis: *is hanging from the gutter on top of the wall by his ankles* I got owned.

Dayn: Ya think? Here, have some burn cream. Where's Jerrica and where the hell are the guardians?!

*on the other side of town*

Jerrica: MY MEDICAL NINJA SKILLS ARE POWERLESS!

Guardians: OUR GARDENING SKILLS ARE USELESS!

Jerrica: Don't you mean guardianing?

Guardians: No, gardening. What the hell is guardianing?

Hawkslayer: O.O That explains so much!

Jerrica: Yes, yes it does...

*back to Travis and Dayn getting their skin flayed off fighting the demon...*

Travis: *on fire* I really f***ing hate this place...

Dayn: Stop bitching... get some water on the damn thing! *Is severely charred*

Travis: I tried that, how do you think I ended up on fire?

Demon: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Dayn: Travis... I think it might be time to use the Wand of Randomness.

Travis: No... last time I used it...

*flashback*

Penguin: BUTTER! BUTT BUTTER BUTTER BUTT BUTT! *is gnawing on Travis' leg*

Dylan: *catches Penguin* AT LAST, WE HATH CAUGHTETH IT!

Lee: I don't have a girlfriend... AND IM PERFECTLY F***ING SANE!

Sliat and Knux: O_o

Dylan: Let's just go...

*Dylan trips over Travis, dropping the Penguin, which gnaws on Travis' leg while mumbling something about pie*

*end flashback*

Dayn: That never happened... or if it did, why the hell don't I remember it?!

Travis: Ummm... errr... okay, fine... I'll use the damn wand.

*zap*

Wand: User error.

Travis: ... **** it, give me the damn strange items, I'll LOB THEM UNTIL IT DIES. It will be faster... I'm glad you don't pay your child support...

Dayn: Calm down, I'm sure there's a way to beat it.

Travis: Right, right, right... but how? We're getting slaughtered here, Jane is cowering in her church, Thrundarr is too deaf to even realize anything's going on, the guardians can't do ANYTHING

Thrundarr: SHUT UP, I'M TRYING TO WATCH TV!

Travis: Okay, he's not too deaf, he just doesn't give a damn...

Demon: *breathes down Travis' neck*

Travis: How long have you been standing there? >_>

Demon: For about 5 minutes...

Travis: Riiiiiiight... *attempts to cast a spell at the demon, but is thrown across town before being able to do anything*

Dayn: HAI-YAAAAAAAA!

Demon: *block*

Dayn: O.O

Demon: *kick*

Dayn: *fly*

Wall: *boom*

Dayn: *ow*

Travis: AHHHHH! *lands infront of the church* ow x_X

Dayn: Owww... she has great martial skills... BUT SO DO I. *pose*

Demon: *chop*

Dayn: *blockthrow*

Demon: Meh. *roast*

Dayn: AAAAAAUGH!

Jerrica: Thinkthinkthink...

Hawkslayer: FORWARD, GUARDIANS! >_O *SLICE*

Demon: AUGH!

Hawkslayer: >_< *BATTLE*

Demon: *TSING*

Hawkslayer: 0.o*TSANG*

Demon: *PARRY*

Hawkslayer: o.o*COUNTER*

Demon: *ROAST*

Hawkslayer: 0.0 PUTITOUTPUTITOUTPUTITOUT!

Jerrica: Augh. There has to be some way to STOP catching on fire.

Demon: NOW YOU DIE HEALING LIKE HEALER OF HEALING HEALINGNESSESSESSERINGNESS!

Jerrica: O_o

Demon: *pulls out scalpel*

Jerrica: SACRELEIGE! FOR HIPPOCRATICNESS! *scalpel-duel*

Travis: Wait, wait, wait... I think I have an idea... though my bones are broken...

Dayn: I'm open to suggestions. *is applying a LOT of burn salve*

Travis: Jane has two altars, right? One to Onn, and one from the previous owner who was chaotic?

Dayn: ... You could sacrifice the demon?

Travis: I could try...

Dayn: She's occupied. Now's your chance. I'll draw her attention, you get there, alert Jane, and do the deed the second she's in.

Travis: O_O

Dayn: NOT THAT DEED! GO!

Travis: Going! *runs toward the church*

Demon: *throws Jerrica aside* Hmmm... i sEe yOU! *starts after Travis*

Dayn: STOP! I WILL BE YOUR OPPONENT, FOUL DEMON! *draws sword* EN GRADER! YOUR BLOOD SHALL SPILL UPON MY BOOTS TOD-

Demon: Don't you mean...

Dayn: SHUT UP, I MISSPOKE!

Demon: Very well. *battle*

Dayn: THIS WAY, YOU FIEND! LETTUCE FACE EACH OTHER IN THE FIELD OF BATTLE THAT KNOWS NO BOUNDS AND IS ULTIMATELY HONORABLE FOR ALL OF US AND WHILE THESE DWARFS-

Demon: Are you on some kind of drug?

Dayn: Paladiny goodness, ten times a week or more.

Demon: Riiiiight...

Dayn: RETREAT!

*everyone retreats towards the temple*

Demon: The temptation to firebolt them all is great... but I shall enjoy shredding them in mELeE much more. Why am I thinking aloud? TASTE CLAWS!

Dayn: OVER HERE, YOU VILE DEMON!

Travis: *bursts into the church/temple/whateveritis from the back door just as the demon steps onto a white pedestal* AVADA KEDAVRA, MOTHERF-!

Guardians: HE SAID A BAD WORD!

*KER-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*

*white mist engulfs everything*

Dayn: Kaff!

*Travis' Alignment jumps from CN to L*

*on another plane*

Onn: I WIN! HAHA!

Ssraxx: I'm gonna miss him ;-;

Onn: HAHAHAHAH!

Istaria: Are you... crying?

Onn: I... WIN!!!!

Ssraxx: Yes... ;-;

Onn: HAHA! I WIN! *is pocketing a hundred dollar bill*

*back on earth*

Jane: Wow, that was whack, yo.

Dayn: Travis... you... didn't use the chaotic altar?

Travis: Dammit... I knew I should have looked at them longer >_> <_< >_> <_< NOW I'M LAWFUL! (Mustfrownmustfrownbutcan'tfrownmustfrown...) :(

Dayn's Lie Detector: BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP!

Travis: *blows it up*

Dayn: Thanks, the darn thing must be broken. I know you would never lie to me. ^_^

Travis: <_<

Jerrica: Is he naive, in denial, or just plain stupid?

Jane: It's a mix of all three, yo.

Hawkslayer: O_o I'm hot... *is on fire*

Travis: Couldn't imagine why...


Where will our heroes go now? It should be obvious, as we FINALLY get to what we've been waiting for for a long time... Tune in next time (or just point your browser to it, duh) to ADOI, for the long-anticipated Chapter XXXVII: Through the Tower of Eternal Flames... WE CARRY ON!

© 2007 Travis Prue and Daniel Muir