Chapter 44: Flying High

Jerrica: *is still tending to Hawkslayer's magical life support* I'm going to need a new heart. Travis, can I use your heart?

Travis: No.

Jerrica: Damn it. Dayn, how about yours?

Dayn: If I had two hearts, I'd gladly give one, but I only have one and kinda like being alive.

Travis: I feel pretty <_< *is wearing the tiara of undooming*

Dayn: so, Travis... how's your spellbook coming along?

Travis: Well, I've been TRYING to learn a new spell... trying.

Dayn: Not look like a friggin girl?

Travis: No. Flight.

Dayn: With an umbrella?

Travis: No.

Dayn: Damn. There go the Mary Poppins' jokes.

Travis: Meh'ry Pawp'ins? Wha-

Dayn: NEVERMIND!

*later*

Travis: So what's our next move?

Dayn: We slay something and give Hawkslayer it's heart for Jerrica to put in. Then while we do that, we go and get the Ring of the High Kings - I heard from that asshole of a minstrel that we'd need it to get any further in the caverns. And after that, we need to go to a place called Darkforge...

Travis: Wait, wait, wait... isn't it a chaotic act to call somebody an asshole? And where's censorman?

Dayn: Not when he is a certifiable prick that tries to drive people out of their minds. And I'm sure he's just la-

Censorshipman: *runs by, tearing Dayn's armor off*

Dayn: Anyone else feel a draft?

Travis: Wow!

Jerrica: Yer tellin' me!

*Dayn is wearing a light purple shirt and orange boxers*

Dayn: My armor ;.;

Travis: I'll conjure you up more.

Dayn: MY ARMOR! AND DON'T YOU DARE, YOU'LL KILL US ALL!!! ;.;

Travis: The rings will kill you all... only they won't, because I look like a girl. I mean have a tiara.

Dayn: ... MY GOLDEN, ORIGINAL PALADIN ARMOR! ;.;

Jerrica: Okay, the magical life support only has a few hours left, Hawkslayer is in serious danger of dying here.

Travis: Hold that thought, I have an idea. Dayn, you look like sh-

Censorshipman: NOO- *falls into a hole*

Dayn: O_o How did you do that?

Travis: The spell. Make Hole.

Dayn: I don't want to know what would happen if you used that on a living being.

Travis: Wanna find out?

Dayn: I SAID I DON'T. *skewer*

Travis: MY LIMITED WIZARD HITPOINTS!Anyway, go get your armours. And bring his heart back.

Jerrica: Woo.

*gross heart-removing sounds*

Will Turner: O_o *walks away*

Dayn: Back! *in armor again, covered in blood* Ahhhhh. My paladiny-ness returns.

Goombas: EXCELLENT! *guitars*

Jerrica: Okay, that aside, I'm replacing the explodied heart. *operate operate* Go ahead, this will be an hour or so.

Travis: I GOT IT!

Dayn: No. You're not helping.

Travis: NO, I MEAN I CAN FLYYYYYYYYYYYY! *leaps into the sky with a shockwave after grasping a feather*

Dayn: .... Ooookay....

Jerrica: *operateoperateoperateoperate*

Dayn: Our good old surgeoness. Completely oblivious.

*up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a stone from a trebuchet! It's a TRAV!*

Travis: *flying at half the speed of sound* YEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA! *crashes into tree, followed by rock, followed by massive rope, followed by dragon, followed by Terinyo, followed by a mountain, followed by a pilgrimage of chaos monks* Okay, slow down next time. Ahem, AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*etc*

*later*

Travis: Okay, I'm alive. Fly much slower this time. *flying through air at one tenth the speed of sound* I wonder if I can see Dayn from up there. Oh, hey bir-*sound of beak hitting eyeball*

*ten seconds later*

Travis: ... *followed by an infirmiary, followed by the old barbarian's hut, followed by a forest, followed by a brown bear, followed by a mob of jackals singing "Invisible Touch", followed by...* ...

*one long crash sequence later*

Travis: WHY?! WHAT DID I DO?! I NEVER SPIT IN YOUR FACE, SSRAXX! NEVER! *a mangled pulp with one half-functional eye and partial lips only*

Ssraxx: Actually, you did. And you really brought this on yourself. You need to slow down when you fly... it's dangerous. More importantly, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE BIRDS!

Travis: Oh, funny, arent we?

SsraxX: Yes, I am. AND I was wrong, the tiara only lessens the dooming.

Travis: Oh. Well, that explains some things - and makes you even more of a jackass for not telling me this earlier.

Ssraxx: You're welcome

Travis: @!$! you too. *hit by lighting bolt*

*later*

Travis: What's this place? It looks like some kind of Tomb... oh hell, a sign...

Sign: Some kind of Tomb.

Travis: >_> Yep, I was right. *enters*

*2 floors and 3 caverns later due to budget cuts and excessive laziness.*

Travis: Holy hell... *is staring at blood red water full of chaos pirhanas.* Well, guess I better make an ice bridge... or something... *continues staring at pirhanas*

Pirhana: Take a picture, it'll last longer!

Travis: What's a piksh' ur?

Pirhana: *swims away*

*Much ice bridging later*

Travis: Okay, with THAT out of the way... let's open this door... *tries to open the door, but finds it locked* Hmmm... I could kick it open, but it could be trapped. *uses Detect Traps on it and finds it's a trick door trap*

*Door Falls suddenly, causing Travis to jump back, nearly falling into the water*

Travis: I DIDNT TOUCH IT! O_O

High Skeletal King: Dude, wazzuuuuuuup!?

Travis: Doo' ood? Was' suuuuuuup?!

HSK: Dude, like, here, have some of this?

Travis: When they said High Kings... they really meant high kings <_<

HSK: Of course maaaan! Here, take a hit!

Travis: If you insist *hits the HSK with a fire bolt*

HSK: DUUUUDE! IT BURRRRNS! *jumps into the pirhana infested water*

Travis: That was easy...

HSK: Woah, look at all the cute fishies.

Pirhanas: WAZZUUUUUUUUP!?

HSK: DUDES!

Travis: Goddammit...

*Back to our surgeon wannabe's*

Jerrica: What's taking so long...

Dayn: He's probably busy crashing into various... things...

Jerrica: Somehow, I agree...

Hawkslayer: -_0 I LIIIIIIIIVE!

Dayn and Jerrica: WHATTA FU-

Zombie Censorman: raawwwww *falls into hole again and lands on a potion of holy water, causing a violent explosion.*

Dayn: ...


<Narrator on Strike>

© 2007 Travis Prue, Daniel Muir, Jipostus, and Zero the Bird.

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