Chapter 61: Tree's Company Too
Much hernia fixing later...
Travis: *Twirling the Emperor Minotaur's axe above his head with one hand* IMMA BALERINA!
Dayn: Why did you keep that ungodly, huge, smelly axe?
Travis: Because... *still twirling the axe above his head with one hand*
Dayn: And how are you doing that?! The first time you tried to pick it up, you ended up with a hernia.
Travis: The first time I forgot to cast Strength of Atlas on myself before picking it up... <_<...
Dayn: Whatever... just get rid of that useless thing...
Travis: But it's insanely powerful!!! *cuts down a very large tree in one swing*
Dayn: =o
Jerrica: That was an impressive demonstration...
Travis: I wasn't demonstrating anything... that was an animated tree...
Tree: *gurgle hiss rawr*
Jerrica: Oh...
Tree: *bursts into flames*
Travis: O_o I didn't do it...
*later*
Travis: CUT DOWN THE RAIN FORESTS! BURN AND PILAGE THE VILLAGES! SET ME ABLAZE! *cuts down several trees in one swing* TEEHEE!
Jerrica: I think Travis has snapped... again...
Dayn: Yep.
Akki: Are you sure it's safe to let him swing that axe around like that?
Dayn and Jerrica: Nope.
Travis: Oh, I'll be fine. *randomly cuts off the branch, roots, and bark of a single tree while leaving it mostly unharmed*
Tree: I'M A MONSTER! *sob*
Travis: O_o I didn't do it?
Trees: D:< *close in angrily on Travis*
Dayn: There's ANOTHER animated forest!?!?!?!
Travis: Oh god, I think I made them angry.
Dayn: *bashing off a tree with his shield* YOU THINK?!
Travis: I'll end this quickly... *goes on a slashing rampage*
FyreWolf: Don't you know anything about foreplay?
Travis: ... WHAT?!
Trees: O_o
Fyrewolf: *runs out of the animated forest babbling about pube-flutes*
Travis: Randomness aside... *carves a path through trees with axe and random fireballs and bolts*
*many hours later*
Travis: *bursts out of crowd on fire with dead and screaming trees in his wake, dragging the axe and panting* I'M FREE! FREE!
Dayn, Jerrica, Akki, Dutchess: *fall out of crowd right after Travis, landing on him*
Travis: MF SFLEEF!
Dayn: Your sleeve? What's wrong with your sleeve?
Travis: MO HF YU AL.
FyreWolf: DO NOT IGNORE MY VEINS! *explodes*
*later*
Dayn: Well, that was crazy. *attending to Travis' crushed ribs, broken spleen and various percussive injuries*
Jerrica: O_O *frantically trying to put Travis' feet out, which are still burning brightly*
Travis: Don't worry about the fire...
Dayn: How'd you get set on fire anyway?
Travis: Forgot that Improved Fireball doesn't discriminate at close range.
Dayn: Oh yeah...
Dutchess: *wearing Travis' tiara* IM PRETTY! ^_^
Travis: Oh shi-
Jerrica and Dayn: *move away from Travis as he gets crushed by a falling IRC chat window*
IRC Chat Window: [23:18] Season: Salt-licks taste like butter, Fyre?
[23:18] FyreWolf: french fries of course!
[23:18] Season: Oh, so french fries taste like butter. Of course.
Travis: ... Ow...
Jerrica: Great. More Spleen Repair spells down the drain.
*much IRC-banishing later*
Penguin: *wearing a fuzzy russian hat* vutt vutt vutt vutt vutt vutt vutt vutt vut vutt, FOR THE MOTHERLAND, COMRADES! *runs away*
Dylan: Do we REALLY want to keep chasing that thing? HELL, IT STAYS AT THE SAME HOTELS WE DO! WE'RE INEPT!
Sliat: Shut up and ride! MY HONOR SHALL NOT BE BISMIRCHED BY LETTING A HEATHEN RUSSIAN PENGUIN GET AWAY!
Knux: Ugh... -.-
Lee: *also wearing a fuzzy russian hat* TO THE MOTHERLAND, MY PENGUINIC COMRADE! FOR GREAT JUSTICE!
Dylan: *shoots Lee in the foot with a crossbow*
Travis: That was weird beyond all reason. *tackles Dutchess and takes the tiara back*
Dutchess: SHINY. ;.;
Akki: NOW YOU KNOW MY PAIN!
Jerrica: *applies copious amounts of ether to Dutchess and Akki to shut them both up*
Travis: Thank you!
Jerrica: Don't mention it.
Dutchess and Akki: @.-
Dayn: Alright, let's get out of here. The trees are dead, let's hope no druids take offense.
Druid: I TAKE OFFE- GAK!
Travis: *holding the rune covered trident, which is through the druid's heart* SHUT UP! *burning*
*later*
Dayn: I wonder when Akki will get back... she's been gone for a long time...
Travis: Akki is a powerful wizard... and she's only been gone for about three minutes...
*elsewhere*
Akki: This should be far enough... *takes out crystal ball*
Andor Drakon: But, I like that chair!
Thrundarr: Too bad, you lost the bet, Andy.
Andor: Grrrr... fine, I'll send you the damn chair!
Akki: Ummm... hi?
Andor: Oh, Thrundarr, I'm gonna have to call you back. *click* Ahhh, Aki' Nanm! How are ya!?
Akki: Lost another bet with the Dwarf, did ya? :P
Andor: Shut up...
Akki: *giggles* Sorry I haven't reported in some time, but the idiots are hard to get away from.
Andor: So it would seem. What do you have to report.
Akki: Well, as you probably know, Hawkslayer is dead.
Andor: Nope, didn't know that. We really haven't been keeping an eye on the "heroes". We've been watching more important things...
Akki: Like unicorn racing, dwarven wrestling, and elf porn?
Andor: EXACTL- errr I mean... no <_<
Akki: Rrrrright... Anyway, he said he was an old friend of yours...
Andor: So it was him... cunning bastard.
Akki: But something doesn't make sense. Aren't you over 100 years old?
Andor: I see what you're getting at. You see, Hawkslayer was very skilled at brewing potions of longlivity and youth. Cunning bastard.
Akki: That explains alot...
Andor: What else do you have to report? Something seems to be troubling you...
Akki: The Sorcerer can control the eyse of chaos.
Andor: That was expected.
Akki: What?
Andor: The eyes are extremely simple to gain control of. We figured he would be able to gain control, just not as quickly as one of us.
Akki: Well, that's a relief...
Andor: Anything else?
Akki: Nope, but I do have a question for you.
Andor: Yes?
Akki: Why are your eyes brown, and why are you using a normal accent?
Andor: Ahh, I thought you would never ask... InAn' AoM! cOmE hErE!
Inan' Aom: YeS sIr?
Andor: What's up?
Inan' Aom: AhHhHhHhH! NoRMaLNeSS! rUN aWaY! *runs out of the room*
*crash*
*explosion*
*chainsaw*
*machine gun*
*kitten*
People outside: GoD DaMmIt, AnDoR!
Akki: You're a prick...
Andor: Yes, I know.
© 2008 Travis Prue and Daniel Muir